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If Premier League Footballers were Recruiters

Ric Marshall

Ric Marshall

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If Premier League Footballers were Recruiters

Ever thought how Romelu Lukaku would do in the recruitment industry? No..? I didn’t think so but over the festive break I actually did start thinking about how some of the Premier League players traits, characteristics and career history can be seen across different recruitment consultants and I thought it would be entertaining to put together a Premier League 11. Take a look at the players below and see what you think!

GK – David De Gea (VC)

De Gea would be an absolute must have if he went into the world of recruitment. He would be consistently one of the best recruiters in the office and would constantly bail his team out with last minute deals, saving the teams performances and helping them hit targets. He would work with ruthless efficiency and even when it seemed he was having a quiet month, he is highly likely to pull off something unbelievable. He is most likely to do a deal on the last day of the month and save companies target.

RB – Victor Moses

Victor has bounced around recruitment company to recruitment company – showing promise and talent but never really pushing on and achieving what was expected of him. That was until he joined his latest company and he became a crucial part of the highest billing team. Everything seems to have clicked for him and he has become a consistent biller. You are most likely to hear him telling horror stories of his previous employers to justify why it didn’t work out for him.

CB – Gary Cahill

Gary is one of the most Senior recruiters in the business and is highly rated by upper management but no one on the floor really knows why. He’s been around for ages but has never been exceptional. He will surprise you with the odd flash of brilliance but in reality, is a very average recruiter. Most likely to tell you off for lack of activity, despite not making a phone call himself and spending all morning in a meeting.

CB -Dejan Lovren

Dejan joined the business with a great track record, the MD was excited after his interview and they actually fought off a number of other agencies to secure his services. He clearly knows the recruitment process but is lazy, slow and prone to the most basic of errors. He came in brimming with confidence and has shown glimpses of promise but his recurring mistakes have the management questioning if he’s really the right man. Most likely to be heard telling his team how he billed £50K a month in his previous business but left because the commission scheme wasn’t worth it.

LB – Leighton Baines (C)

Leighton is a one company recruiter who has been through it all. He has progressed through the ranks and has made it into a comfortable non-billing Team Manager position. He lives and breathes the company values, is a great team motivator and has stories for every occasion. Most likely to be heard talking to the MD about the incentive trip to Ibiza in 2009.

RW – Mo Salah

Mo is new to the business but it seems he can do no wrong. Everything seems to be going his way and he’s showing no signs of slowing down. The MD’s current favourite and who can blame him, he’s a likeable character who works at a frenetic pace and is doing some amazing deals.
The way things are going, Mo is most likely to spec a candidate in, get an interview later that day and turn a deal around in less than 24 hours.

CM – Kevin De Bruyne – (Top Biller)

Kevin is the top biller in the company who seems to be good at everything. He’s an all-round nice guy who is modest in his success. His admin is always up to date, his pipeline is fantastic and he always has time to assist others. Kevin’s a star in the office and favourite for consultant of the year. Most likely to say how he has nothing on the go at the moment but will do a deal later that afternoon.

CM - Paul Pogba

The showman of the office and the stereo typical recruiter. He’s the loudest in the room with the flashiest gear and the shiniest car. Some love him, a lot hate him but let’s face it, the man can recruit. He might annoy you at times and under perform on the odd occasion but when he is out of the office, his value really is missed. Most likely to be found at the water cooler talking about how he’s “smashing it”

CAM - Delli Alli

An excellent recruiter on his day but stay out of his way if things aren’t going well. He goes through the odd spell where deals just won’t drop and there’s nothing he hates more than that. He has a nasty temper and does not hesitate to project his negativity across to the rest of the team. Most likely to be heard shouting and swearing in a closed office room.

LW – Raheem Sterling

Full of enthusiasm and will throw himself into any task required. His enthusiasm is infectious, he has high call times and has no hesitation phoning that difficult MD but his problems come at the close. He is prone to making basic mistakes and for some reason he can’t finish when the net seems empty. Most likely to be found on a performance improvement plan – With the right manager he could really flourish!

 ST – Romelu Lukaku

A good recruiter who does a high volume of low value deals. Individually they aren’t worth that much but when you are billing as regularly as this, the total starts to add up. A slight annoyance to Managers who can’t understand why he can’t convert bigger roles with larger fees but a very good consultant nonetheless. Most likely to be heard explaining to hiring managers why they should take on a Graduate. 

Thanks for reading!

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